Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Women Food and God, page 52

One would think that if one is 50 pounds overweight, that it would mean there is a food issue.  This book is the same as many others - discover what is the REAL issue, and the weight will melt off. 

And that is where I'd get lost and confused. I had choices.  It could be childhood sexual abuse by a babysitter, grade-school janitor and my father.  Or it could be the death of a child.  Or it could being diagnosed with MS. 

I won't go into details why I considered myself healed from the abuse and the grief of losing a baby.  MS is still a battle.  But I'd hear other over-weight people talk about how they obsessed about food, about the next meal all day long, and I'd wonder why I wasn't like that - yet I am over-weight.  Lots of times I forget to eat.  But when I do - it's junk.  Junk is easier and cheaper.  Simple as that.  But noooo... these books, the counselors, the TV experts kept telling me that I was burying my pain with food, and once I figured out the pain, I'd lose the weight.

On page 52, it hit me.  My obsession, my drug of choice, my addiction is TV.  I plan my non-active life around television.  It used to be the Internet and TV.  Now it's just the TV. 

So not only am I back to where I started (what feelings am I burying by being zoned out on my TV shows), I'm also thinking I'd rather the obsession was about food.  Not eating food is easy.  Not watching television ... that's a whole different animal. 

Best regards,

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