Is it me or is it you?

~
How is it
that of all
the relationships
with males
that I have had -
2 long terms
who lived with us
for a period
of time...
and a boyfriend
or three or four
over the years...
and who are
all on Facebook,
email, telephone
or in real life still,
all friendly,
and most are on
speaking terms...
along with
their children
for sure all are
remembered on birthdays
and Christmas,
some get caught up
at dinners out
or cooked in..
and some are
truly depended on
and true friends...
and they depend on me
for advice
about dating,
relationships,
or their children...
 
how is it
that the ONLY one
who I can't
get along with,
can't talk to,
can't make a difference,
can't reason with...

and most importantly,
can't parent with...

is the father
of my children?

~

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Writing is My Therapy

She put down the phone.

Emotions ran thru her

like water runs down a mountain.

Talking to him felt like that mountain,

and she was exhausted from the hike.

She felt caught yet again

between the rock and the hard place.

A feeling not unfamiliar to her

when it came

to the father

of her children.

Even tho it had been

30 years... suddenly

she could remember...

the fear,

the memories,

the anger,

and the utter hopelessness

of change ever happening.

She struggled to remain

who she was now,

rather than who she was then.

But at the same time,

suddenly she was

back in familiar territory.

Single parenthood,

as alone as ever,

making the decisions

on her own,

with her son paying

the consequences.

Oh no.  If I write as if

this were about someone else -

write in the third person,

as if she were a fictional person,

when everyone will know it's about me...

by doing that

does it mean I'm in denial,

it didn't affect me, 

it didn't really happen?

What kind of therapy

would that be?

~

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