Merry Christmas 2012

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Baking the banana bread that wasn't meant to be, and shouldn't have been cause it messed up Michael's Christmas dinner he's fixing for us.  First I couldn't find the bread pans.  Went to 2 thrift shops and a dollar store, finally finding the foil ones.  Then I couldn't find bananas gone bad enough.  That took 4 shops.  Then I couldn't find the energy to do it.  That took 3 days of worrying about it.  Then I couldn't find the recipe.  I called my mother since it's her recipe and she made no sense at all, suggesting another recipe, which goes against all that I stand for. 

Ham, yams, and 6 loaves of banana bread don't fit in the oven all the same time in order to get done according to plan.  Hank is going to be here for dinner about 2pm, and then I'm spose to go to another dinner at 5pm, cause I don't know how to say no.

Michael went to the courtyard with me to take Annie potty, and she piddle-farted around, not going, cause she was holding out for the park, and more interested in watching Michael watch her.  Finally, in exasperation, I told her "Go potty, Annie", and so she said "oh all right" and made quite a production about turning around several times to find just the right spot.  When Michael described it, how she said "oh, all right"... it sounded so funny, and I could swear it was exactly the tone that Annie had used. 

It's raining all day today.  So glad it's not snow.  So weird to think of snow in Idaho right now.  And it's 16 degrees in Denver, where Jeremy is working too much.  Which is why I didn't got there for Christmas.  Instead we're going to plan a trip for his birthday the end of January.  Maybe Lake Tahoe, where I could watch him ski.  It's weird to think I've never seen him do something he loves to do so much.

I've been thinking so much about people I don't even know lately.  My sister's boyfriend's mother died a couple of days ago, after several weeks of literally a bedside vigil, dying from brain cancer.  In Goldendale, a close-knit, tiny town, Michael's best friend's mother... her friend's husband died a couple of months ago, then the friend herself died about 3 weeks later.  Then her own husband died.  Then her sister, who lives across the street from her, has cancer and a month left to live.  And THEN, a son she's been estranged from called to say he's got bone cancer, and a month left to live.  Just to clarify... this is ONE woman, who's lost/is losing 5 people close to her within the last couple of months. I don't know why, but I just can't shake thinking about all these people.

Kim called, Alain called, Hank is here, and Kenny downstairs is bbq's a steak dinner for me later on today.  Thee men's, zey are a'crawling out of zee woodwork.

Too bad I have absolutely no desire.  Of any part.  Weird.  But MUCH easier.  Just the coordination of dinner and banana bread alone was enough confusion, sharing, organizing to last me the rest of the year.

This is about the most un-Christmasy post I've ever written, but I just don't have it this year.  I miss my kid sooo much.  He's Christmas to me, and he... he says it's just another day.  Blasphemous!

Barf washing Annie's face.

Bless us, everyone. 

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