Who am I, and Why am I Here? (Kim's Brain Surgery)

We were moved from room to room, or floor to floor, 5 days out of 8, which meant different nurses each time.  Plus the shift changes.  When I come to visit Kim, I usually checked with his nurse to make sure he’s presentable before I went into his room.  They all have asked who I am, and I just say “Laurie”.  After his surgery, one of the nurses asked me a whole bunch of questions about him, and she puts the answers into the computer.  When she asked if he had a Living Will made out, I said I didn’t know, but that I was his Durable Power of Attorney for Medical Issues.  She asked how I was related.  I said that I wasn’t, that I was just a friend, he used to live down the hall from me.  She looked confused and asked if he had any family, and I said yes.  She asked why they weren’t here, and I told her I thought it was lack of finances.  She then asked if Kim and I were Significant Others.  Nope.  She continued to add the information into the computer. 

Why Am I Here?  After 5 or 6 versions of the same conversation, I started to feel… wrong.  Then the phone calls to his family that I made for the first few days made me feel bad.  Maybe my imagination was working overtime, but I thought I sensed some resentment and/or confusion from them as to “Who Am I, and Why Was I Here”.  After all, if Medicaid could pay for me to be here, then why not one of them instead?  I was starting to feel guilty, and Kim couldn’t help me out cause he’d just had brain surgery - just remembering my name was all he could do, much less have a discussion about family dynamics.  Also, my own family and friends, for the most part, thought I was an idiot for doing this. They were kind about thinking I'm on idiot, but an idiot nonetheless.

Why Was I There?  As I said in a previous post, it all started because he came over and asked me to check the Internet for train or bus tickets to Seattle.  I did.  When I asked who was going with him, he said “no one”.  In that macho man way - he don’t need nobody, by hell.  I looked up how much it would cost for me to drive him, and discovered it would be cheaper to drive rather than pay for 2 tickets on the bus or train.  So I volunteered to drive him.  I love to drive.  My life is boring.  That is all there is to it.

And then we survived a car wreck/roll over together.  That tends to bring people together.

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House-sitting in Idaho Falls

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 See the garbage can?  It is COMPLETELY full of my Multiple Sclerosis medical records.  Ahh, the memories.  I'm in-putting them into the computer, on a spreadsheet, and a website called "PatientsLikeMe".  Unfortunately, all it's doing for me is making me mad and sad about the sub-par care I've received in Idaho.  It remains to be seen in San Francisco, as I've yet to see a doctor there. 

The view from my computer while house-sitting.  Let's see, I need to leave them a note about what's been going on around here while baby-sitting their house and dog, Charcoal.

• I CANNOT get the name of Charcoal out of my mouth!  It's Dude, Duke, Big Boy, Buddy or Chuck, cause I can never remember his name in time to say it.

• I'm very considerately eating you out of house and home of junk food!  I haven't had such goodies in YEARS, since I cannot afford them.  Am thinking I'll make a cherry cheesecake for you to come home to... but it may not last long enough for you to have any.

• I had to close up all the windows and turn off the fans, cause it's COLD.  While you're in Atlanta in the heat wave.  Ha ha ha.  So I checked all the closets looking for a sweater or hoodie to wear.  I did a dance in your closet just cause there was room to do so!  Am jealous.

• Annie and Charcoal have had a BLAST playing with each other.  I keep looking around for my devoted Service Dog, who never leaves my feet, only to find her in the back yard, playing with Charcoal.  Charcoal is determined to make her his girlfriend, and she'll have none of it.  In fact, I'm sure she doesn't realize his true intent, because she's such an innocent - she thinks he just likes to get on top of her to PLAY.

• I am feeding the fish too, even tho it wasn't on the list you gave me of things to take care of.  Hopefully, that's okay and you weren't wanting to get rid of them by starving them to death...Annie is afraid of the fish tank cause the fish are NOISY as they leap out of the water to snatch the food. 

• I've watered all the dry spots in the lawn, and the flower bed in front.  Also the Hosta and water fountain in back.  Have yet to pick up Annie's diarrhea ... but I will.  I've had to add some of Charcoal's dry food to Annie's, as hers won't last till I get home.  Just a 1/2 cup of strange food, mixed in hers and she can't handle it.  Good thing I started 4 days before she flies.  Nothing worse than a dog with diarrhea at airports and planes!  I'm assuming.  I don't want to experience it.

• I've washed the pillowcase, blanket, towels, and jeans/pants that I borrowed, and put them away.  Oh yea, I forgot to mention that I needed to borrow some long pants too, to go out to dinner, since all I had was shorts, cause it was spose to be hot here!  Also, I tore apart the garage, looking for a screw driver, to tighten some things up on my new trike!  I almost gave my kingdom away.  "My kingdom for a screw driver", I said.  

• Last, but not least, Charcoal moped at the laundry room door for a few hours after you left, but then after that, he was fine.  Like I said, he played alot with Annie.  They would be out there for a couple hours at a time, then come in panting their food heads off.  Annie's going to miss him.  I've taken both of them for a walk/run to the park almost every night, taking it easy on both of them, since Annie isn't used to hard core exercise where she's not allowed to sniff the ground.  I really hope I can get the airline to take the trike, cause it will sure be good to exercise Annie with it.  She needs the kind of exercise where we go too fast for her to be able to roam the smells.  The "zone" kind of exercise.

• I left the house on Saturday for most of the afternoon, and locked the front door, but left the deck door open for the dogs to be able to go outside.  Someone was here while I was gone, cause the stuff on the counter was different.  Am assuming it was one of the kids.  But just in case it was a robber, or someone with an axe, or someone wanting to hide a dead body downstairs (I have NOT been down there), just be aware that I was aware someone was here, cause I'm a good house-sitter! 

• I will feed Charcoal his evening meal on Monday, but I think I'll go to Theresa's or Mom's for Monday night, so you'll have the house to yourself and can relax for real when you get home.  Call me Tuesday if you have any questions, cause I'm not sure if I'll get a chance to visit again cause I need to get home for that doctor's appointment on the 27th.  Want to spend another night with Jeremy if possible too, so suddenly I've got schedules to keep!  I've waited for the appointment for 2 months, and they moved it from Aug 18th to July 27th, so want to keep it before they put me off for another 2 months!

 Hmmm... maybe he is moping.

I prefer to think he's just exhausted from playing with Annie.

I ate the Oreo's.  And most of the peppermint candies, cause my tummy hurt, and peppermint helps tummy aches.  It probably hurt from all the Oreo's!

The fountain quit fountaining this morning.  Not sure what happened cause it was working fine yesterday.  Took the garbage out to the curb, rolled up the hoses, ran the dishwasher, and swept the floor.  And good hell, but 2 dogs poop alot!

Hope you guys had fun.  That baby is so precious.

UPDATE:  I fixed the fountain.  Check and see if I did it right.
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The Surgery Saga aka The Car Wreck Part 3

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As previously blogged, now you know that I wrecked my car.  But there's more to the story - the worst part, really.

When the car stopped moving, I was stuck in an awkward position, and couldn't move.  I knew I wasn't hurt.  Kim was calling my name and I told him I was okay and he said he was okay too.  As I struggled to right myself, finally the darkness lifted and I saw the empty spot where Annie should have been.  "Annie's gone!"  We both started calling her, and not seeing her gave me the energy to untangle myself from the car seats and various belongings.  I still couldn't see Kim (he was under the dashboard up front), but all of a sudden, he was outside of the car, walking around it, and picking up dollar bills that had been in my purse.  I threw a blanket at him, and screamed for Annie.  I was sitting on the windowsill in the back of the passenger side, because my feet were bare and there was at least 2 feet of snow.  And glass.  Broken glass everywhere.

A car stopped up on the freeway, and a lady was screaming at us, asking if anyone was hurt.  I screamed back that we were okay, but my dog was missing.  That's when I saw Annie's legs BEHIND her car, meaning the other side of her car. Annie was BETWEEN her car, and the freeway, which meant she had to have been ON the freeway.  My blood froze.

We called her and called her but she was too terrified.  She tried to come to me, but the snow between us was too deep and it scared her.  A man dressed in black was trying to catch her and she's scared of men in black, thanks to an idiot here in the building.  She kept running around their car, and on the freeway, as cars and semi-trucks sped by her.  Finally, she realized who and where I was, and she just muscled her way thru the deep snow, and I pulled her into the car, glass and all.  My dog was safe and that's all that mattered to both me and Kim.  Kim isn't really fond of dogs, because of shedding, but he too was just focused on getting her safe before anything else. 

By that time, Kim said he was losing his eyesight, and the lady on the freeway was on the phone to 911.  She asked if there were any injuries, and I screamed no, but that we were on our way to Seattle to have brain aneurysm surgery, and he'd been hit on the side of where the aneurysm was.  I could see the look of amazement on her face, and she repeated the info into her cell phone.  I was looking for my cell phone so I could call my sister.  Kim gave me his phone, and I realized that I don't have ANY numbers memorized, except for her work number, because it's the opposite of the local newspaper's number.  Soooo weird how the brain thinks ... or doesn't think at times of crisis.

The whole time, I was thinking about Annie, and how I'd let her down.  Part of the training for service dogs is that they learn to trust that their handler would protect them and keep them safe.  For instance, I wasn't to allow strangers to zoom towards her, or loom over her, or let men in black pet her without OUR permission.

I felt so guilty.

To be continued...

Best regards,

PeeLister@yahoo.com

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The Surgery Saga aka The Car Wreck, Part 2

I am so frustrated about blogging.  So much to say, so little energy.  Must. Finish. Car. Wreck. Story. 

So there we were, on our second trip to Seattle, in November.  We had just got done with lunch in Twin Falls, and had just passed Jerome.  We saw a red car in the opposite lane that had slid into the median.  I let my foot off of the gas pedal, figuring it might be slippery in the same spot as we passed where he slid off.

As I let up on the gas, a semi passed us on the left.  I felt the car ... let go of the road, is the best way to describe it.  I turned into the skid, as you're supposed to do when slipping and sliding on icy roads.  I felt like I was still in control of the car, and it would slide left into the median - and not be too terribly bad.  But for some reason, Kim grabbed the wheel, and then... we slid to the right, and rolled at least twice, up and over the barbed wire fence, 50 yards away from the freeway.  The car landed right side up, altho I couldn't tell that at the time it finally stopped moving.

Kim had his seat belt on.  I didn't.  The windows broke into smithereens, and Kim said he felt his face dragging on the ground for a couple of seconds. I was thrown into the back seat with my face in the corner behind the seat, and my laptop was laying against my face.  I remember thinking 'Huh.  Wonder how my computer got out of it's bag'.  I saw black the entire time the car was moving.  When it landed, I was COVERED in dirt, snow, and all my packed items.  Because we didn't know how long the surgery recovery would be, I had packed a bunch of stuff for me to do, alone in a hotel room, possibly.  Thinking that packing it all in several separate bags would be easier to FIT around Kim's suitcases, sleep and oxygen machines...

Kim's oxygen machine

ALL my stuff was in the back seat and it ALL came out of their bags, so everything was covered in snow and dirt.  My laptop, camera, cell phone, books, etc.

I think I have said I knew I wasn't going to die.  That's not true.  I knew I wasn't hurt.  I remember thinking, "So this is what it's like to die", and how peaceful it was.  It didn't occur to me till afterwords that only seeing black might have been a concern... I didn't see any white light... so I guess it's Hell for me!

To be continued...

Best regards,

PeeLister@yahoo.com

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Day 11 of Brain Surgery

Everyone in Seattle is afraid of dogs!  Damn city-ites.  And it seems the sun is afraid of Seattle, because I have yet to see it and we've been here... 11 days.

Which means yet another celebrity has let me down.  Bobby Sherman, my teenage idol and first true love used to sing "the bluest skies you've ever seen are in Seattle".  Should be "NEVER" seen, thankyouverymuch.

We're all bonding here at the apartments - telling each other our hospital dramas.  There are alot of teen moms with premmie babies, and burn victims.  And a surprisingly number of people from Alaska.  In fact, I met, well, correction... Annie met a VERY nice looking guy from Wasilla, Alaska, which is where Sarah Palin is from, whom I do not like, but I think she's genius as far as getting elected as President is concerned.  Just feed the masses a dose of reality television to our reality tv addicted society, showing how "down home" she is, blah blah blah.

He had asked if Annie was very protective of me, cause he was wanting to get a dog for his wife.  He mentioned "we have our own version of security at home"... meaning GUNS.  He was the handsome, rugged Paul Newman type, and I was ready to go home to his log cabin with him.  To train the new dog, of course.  No other agenda, swear. 

I'm off-track.  Annie met a lovely man from Alaska, and he was quite enamored of my dog.  Too bad he had a wife.  We bonded over brain aneurysms, cause his wife had had one BURST at home in Alaska and they FLEW her to Seattle with a burst aneurysm!  She actually had 2 aneurysms, same as Kim.  When I think of the Idaho doctors who said Kim couldn't fly, so we drove and wrecked the car instead?  Grrrr.

Don't even get me started on the difference between Seattle hospitals, and Idaho... let's just say I was right in saying Idaho is backwards in so many ways, I can't stand it.  I NEED better medical care with my MS, that's all there is to it.  Even Kim, who is the grump of all grumps when it comes to medical stuff, is impressed with the care he is receiving.

Altho, there was the one time when a pompous, male nurse with a Santa Clause type beard, came in and introduced himself as "Rick".  He then proceeded to tell us how Kim would feel after the surgery, and something else I can't remember... something about how the nurses and doctors would tell him one thing, but it wouldn't be true... dang, I wish I could remember.  Something about going home after the surgery.  After he left, me and Kim were silent for a couple of minutes, both digesting what we'd just been told.  What he had said sound plausible to our naive brain-aneurysmed knowledge, but something was "off". 

Kim:  "What the hell was that all about?"
Me:  "Do you get the feeling he's from the crazy floor and impersonating a nurse?"
Kim:  "Totally".

We've not seen him since.

One thing that's been disturbing is the fact that people die in hospitals.  He's had 3 people on either side of him, die.  Me, who loves death drama... lordy, is that a weird comment... what I mean is that my true calling would be as a hospice advocate.  Anyways, here I am, at a cutting edge Trauma Center, with people dying all around me, and watching their family dynamics... and none of them spoke English.  Grrrrr.  I couldn't understand a damn thing the families were saying.

Kim's out of ICU as of yesterday.  When I walked in, he looked at the clock and said "Way to be late".  The day before, he hadn't been able to FIND the clock, much less tell time.  So for the last 3 days, he's progressed from being an awake vegetable to being himself again, as far as personality.  He's very slow in moving, is off all the pain meds for his head, and picking up on the humorous banter going on between the nurses.  I, however, am not so quick.  He asked me to see what number his air was on...

He:  What number is my air on?
Me:  Huh?
He:  It's at the end of the bed.
Me:  Huh?  (Trying not to be patronizing a guy who just had BRAIN surgery and couldn't remember his last name a few days ago)
He:  Go down there and look at what my air is.
Me:  What the hell are you talking about?
He:  (Pointing to the end of his bed)
Me:  (Discovering there's a computerized panel with numbers on it).  OH!  You mean your air mattress?
He:  (Nods his head), (but I suspected it was a lying nod), (he was pacifying me, hoping I'd catch on)
Me:  There's no numbers, it's turned off.  (as I turned it on, and the numbers say 240.0)
Me:  What number do you want?
He:  Four.
Me:  (Thinking wow, that's a long way from 240.0)
Me:  Is your bed too hard or too soft?
He:  (He nodded)

Just then a nurse came in.  He'd pushed the button for a nurse.  He meant his damn OXYGEN.  Evidently, in the ICU, the bed controls everything - it's plugged in to every function.  By leaving ICU, he was no longer in the designer bed model.  Who knew?

I asked for a heads up on discharge, as I cannot possibly figure out how we're going to get home with him recovering from brain surgery, me with MS, four bags among us, a dog who's now afraid of loud noises, going thru security, flying in a plane.  He's as helpless as a kitten, and there's NO way he's going to be able to help at all.  

Best regards,

PeeLister@yahoo.com

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Day 6 of Brain Surgery

I've seen ONE dog in Seattle.  It seems like a dog-less world here.  Besides Annie.  And I've never seen or met so many people who are afraid of dogs.  They see Annie and jump away like they've been bitten by a snake.

The hospital, the apartment where I'm staying and the shuttle service are amazing.  Such nice people and not one word about Annie as a Service Dog.  She gets the respect she deserves.

As I said in Facebook, Kim's not doing as well as they would like him to.  He's in severe pain, or too medicated to respond, and very, very lethargic.  He was taken out of ICU yesterday (Sunday) morning, to Acute Care, and today, they took him back to ICU.

These are the new listings in my cell phone:  Acute Care, Dr. Shaker, First Hill Apts, Harborview, Kim's brother, sister, son and mother.  Patient Care Coordinator, Apt Shuttle, Hospital Shuttle, Kim's Case Worker, Hospital Social Worker, Transportation, and various nurses and doctors.

I have a long post wanting to be written, but I'm trying to rest and not over do.  I feel like I should be at the hospital, but he's not aware of me being there as far as REMEMBERING I was there.  He made me Durable Power Of Attorney for Medical Issues, and I'm starting to feel the weight of that responsibility.  It's amazing how exhausting being out of your own routine is.

... Course, my normal routine is ... bed resting.  I'm a pro at that.

Annie is my saving grace.  She is such a goofball, but then I put on her vest, and she's seriously serious.  Yesterday, Kim was extremely agitated, in pain, cause the pain meds from surgery were wearing off.  I put his hand on Annie's head, and he calmed down almost immediately as Annie licked his hand.  He stayed calm for about 10 minutes.  It gave me chills how powerful that bond is.  She truly missed her calling as a Service Dog, because she'd rather be a Therapy Dog - the kind the visits patients in hospitals and nursing homes.  Another thing she's doing that I didn't teach her is tucking herself in the farthest corner out of the way of everyone coming and going in his room.  She's even doing it in the apartment.

The nurse brought her some blankets after Annie kept going to that corner.

Best regards,

PeeLister@yahoo.com

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The Surgery Saga aka The Car Wreck

So I guess I have been remiss in not writing about the car wreck.  I guess I felt like I should tell Cindy that I wrecked the car that she GAVE me some years ago.  Life kept happening and I forgot, someone was busy, etc., and it slipped my mind.  But I keep referring to "the wreck" in one way or another because IT'S DAMN HARD TO GET USED TO NOT HAVING A CAR!

It all started 2 months ago, when my friend, Kim, came to me and asked me to look up how much train and bus tickets to Seattle were online.  Kim used to live down the hall from me, but has moved to a different facility in Idaho Falls.  He was planning on going alone to have brain aneurysm surgery done.  Alone!  I just couldn't handle it, and told him I'd go with him, without even thinking about it first.  His doctors had told him he couldn't fly, and that made sense... pressure on a brain aneurysm didn't sound like a good idea, pressurized cabin or not.  We figured out that driving would be cheaper with two people, so I would drive.  My car is a champion, and I wasn't worried about it - and Kim changed the oil and took it to his mechanic friend just to make sure all was okay. 

So we scheduled for the first week of November - our "payday" with our disability checks.  Off we went, with Google Maps pointing the way.  Stayed in a hotel that night, and checked into the hospital the next day.  Turns out Medicaid approved the cheaper procedure, when he needs the more expensive procedure done.  We had to go home and wait for Medicaid to approve the more expensive procedure.

We rescheduled for the first week of December.  Same plan, different month.  There was a horrible snow storm going on in Boise, headed toward us.  We planned on putting the chains on within the next town or two.  My sister called and said her boss was stranded in Boise, unable to fly out because of the storm.  So we knew it was serious, and I was perfectly aware of conditions.  Meaning, it wasn't one of my MS days.  The car was handling great, the right lane was clean of snow, but the left lane had snow on it, which wasn't a concern unless we were passing.  Even so, I wasn't having any trouble passing - I'm a confident driver in the snow, and not the nervous type.  I kept the speed between 60 and 65, because I didn't feel secure going any faster - I felt like I was driving appropriately for the conditions.  The rest of the world was passing me by tho!  Zoom and Zip!  The only time I'd pass was if there was a semi in front of me, throwing his snow at me and my wind shield.

Kim's a nervous passenger, but he laid his seat back and was resting, realizing I was handling it just fine.  We had breakfast in Twin Falls, pooped the dog, and headed out again.

To be continued...

Best regards,

PeeLister@yahoo.com

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Looking for a good home. Seriously.

 Look at the joy in their faces playing together.  I LOVE to watch them play. I can't can't can't keep her!  The landlady will kill me.

Click on the pictures to enlarge them. 

This sweetie pie lived with someone in my building who was being mean to her.  Several people have come to be about it, and I told them unless they were willing to speak up to the cops, then there was nothing I could do, without becoming the Bitch of the West around here again.  With the new landlady, and the Biggest Liar gone, I haven't had a single bit of trouble with anyone.

But tonight, he called, wanting to know if I wanted her.  I told him yes, thinking I'd just solve the problem!  To be fair, he's on crutches as he's lost a leg from Diabetes.  He has no income as Disability hasn't come thru yet, so he's on his last nerve himself.  Mix that with a macho mentality, yelling at her, poking her nose in her accidents, and hitting her... she's a nervous wreck too.

I called the vet where he adopted her from, asking if they would take her back.  They take all the dogs that the City of Rigby gives to them, for whatever reason.  We don't have "official" dog control around here, so the City contracts with this particular vet.

They wouldn't take her back unless the City was involved.  I called the City.  Since I'm taking ownership of her, she's mine to keep.  Not mine to give away.  If I refused to take the dog, and file a complaint against the owner, they would be glad to begin an investigation, speak to other residents for confirmation that he's abusing her and take her that way.  I said that would put us into an uncomfortable situation, considering we all have to live together, and we like it peaceful around here.  They told me they couldn't take her then.

Grrrrrr.

In the meantime... she's an absolute doll.  The owner said she's started to poop inside the house tho.  She used to potty outside when he first got her.  He's probably old-school in potty training, and just confused her, because she's truly the smartest dog, who wants to please.  She reminds me of both Muttin and Jeff...  Muttin, because she's very very smart, but like Jeffrey, who wanted to please.  As we all know, Muttin didn't give a damn about pleasing me!

I would feel sooo guilty about keeping her, considering that I couldn't keep Muttin/Jeff because having 3 dogs just become too much for me.

But damn, she's adorable.  And smart too.  I took her outside and she peed, so I praised her and gave her a treat.  She went and peed some more!

But seriously, I need to find her a good home. 


Best regards,

PeeLister@yahoo.com

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